Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Oh how my heart breaks

Indeed, my heart is breaking. Just now I entered into the one week countdown until my departure. I am moving, and my family is staying behind until K's case is closed. I do have a visit planned for a couple days in early September, but even so, there will be twenty-seven days between the time I leave and that visit, and after the visit I will have to go back and continue waiting for my family. My heart feels raw. Just raw.

Tonight I snuggled extra tight with the kids as they fell asleep. K fell asleep earlier than M, so M and I also played a little extra. The night ended with me rocking him and talking to him about when he was a teeny tiny baby. He loved it, and I know he felt wrapped up in my love. I hope the memory of that stays strong while I am gone. After he fell asleep, I cradled his head with my hand and tried to create an imprint of everything about it deep in my memory: the weight of him against me, his sweet smell, his soft, sweaty skin, the sound of his breathing. Even an hour after he had been asleep, I couldn't stop squeezing him and telling him how much I love him and will miss him.

G sobbed and sobbed.

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