Weird Moments on Facebook

I only joined Facebook for work. For a long time, I didn't join Facebook, but rather watched carefully those who did and learned what I could about different ways to approach it. In the end, I decided to have a pretty limited network, so I have a specific mix of "friends."

My general ground rules for myself are:

1. To only "make friends" with folks somehow related to my work: colleagues, members of my past or former congregation, and UU folks with whom I am otherwise connected.

2. Not to put out "friend requests" on a regular basis, not because I wouldn't be happy to have a large network, but rather because somehow I just feel weird asking folks to be my friends. I dunno.

Every once-in-a-while, I contemplate having a non-work Facebook account. I wonder, what would I do with it? Would I make online connections with folks I am meeting now who aren't UU? Would I try to reconnect with folks from my past?

Tonight, just out of curiosity, I did a search for folks who graduated from my high school the same year I did. I would NOT recommend this activity to other folks with memory loss.

It is a bit on the spooky side.

I could recall a few specific folks, once I saw their pictures, but for the most part, it was like walking through the halls of high school and seeing ghosts.




The names sounded so familiar-- I could even hear myself saying them-- and the faces looked vaguely like people I should know, but I couldn't place these memories into any context.

Was she one of my friends?
Was he? Were they?
Who ARE these people?

Also, seeing folks made me really glad we didn't have (as far as I know) a 10 year high school reunion. Because from the snapshots and little blurbs of info, anyway, everyone looks happy, healthy, successful, absolutely BEAUTIFUL, and like they are doing very well. I am happy and stuff too, but I just know I would walk in and start feeling like I was in high school, or middle school all over...so insecure! Like I'll never quite be as worthy. Yikes! Crazy how quickly I can return to that place in my mind, despite the lack of memories.

Another issue to work on, I suppose.

Today Was "Speak Your Mind" Day

Well, at least that's the side of the bed I rolled out of today.

I may have been too whiny to be deserving of a gift, but that is a different story.

Anyway, I learned a few other things about myself during "speak your mind day":

1. According to my value system, speaking out against insidious racism is highly important. When such racism is occurring publicly, I may find it worthy of a public response if that seems most effective in the moment.

2. Over time, I work up courage to speak up about things that bother me. The first or second time I witness a similar type of event, I may not say anything at all, but by the third time (even if I am with different people in a different situation) all bets just may be off.

3. The more someone's previous behavior seemed wrong, the more their current behavior will seem wrong to me when they are doing something offensive (vs. someone else doing the same thing without the same history). This is especially true for some reason or another in my view of certain famous people.

4. I expect that if someone sends me one of those forwarded emails, the subject is open for discussion. If such an email has been sent to a large list of folks, I tend to think that reasoning people will assume it is open for discussion and won't be confused by a public reply.

5. Since forwarded emails bother many folks, I rarely send them. If someone sends one to me, I figure a response couldn't be more bothersome to anyone who has already received the forward. I tend to think such responses are delightful because they are always much more thoughtful than the forward.

6. I occassionally get cranky and run out of patience when people think we are somehow "past racism" or that they couldn't possibly harbor unexamined prejudices-- big or small-- or that they couldn't possibly be oppressive of others in any way because they are good people. Being good doesn't take you out of a system of institutional racism.

7. There are some things I just don't find funny. If it is something racist, not only will I not laugh, but I won't perpetuate the problem by refusing to speak up. I also may fail to see the humor in any follow-up jokes meant to mend fences.

8. There are some hills I am willing to "die on."

Sorry. This isn't meant to be a cryptic message. Just some self-observations upon reflection at the end of the day. Nothing major happened. I just got a forwarded email that really bothered me (one of the most offensive things I've heard in a long time), responded that it was disturbing, heard back from the sender that it was rude for me to bother all her friends and family by replying all, and replied back to apologize for the misunderstanding and to explain that my error occurred because I thought that the subject had been opened for discussion. Don't worry. We all kissed and made up and everything. But I can't say I feel what I did was wrong. That email wasn't fit for public consumption in the first place, in my humble opinion.

Sad

I just opened an email newsletter from the HANDLE institute to learn that its founder, Judith Bluestone, died this February. Our family experience with HANDLE was tremendously powerful, and Judith's book The Fabric of Autism: Weaving the Threads Into a Cogent Theory (which I personally prefer in audio format) remains on my all-time favorites list.

What sad news!

On a totally different note, here is another blog I neglected to put on my list. This is a mom I know from "elsewhere on the internet." She blogs periodically. Please note that she has music on her blog, so you'll want to turn down your speakers if you are at work or have a sleeping babe next to your speaker or anything like that ;-). http://adventureswithboandboo.blogspot.com/

(Added link to original post 3-10-09)

When Your Vision Is Too Expansive

I have difficulty compartmentalizing information.

This is often a blessing. I am easily able to take a broad view of systems and also transfer information from one system to another. At classes and workshop, I find myself impatient when other attendees have to stop and ask, "What does this have to do with...[fill in the blank with whatever the topic is]?" (Yes, I found college almost painful.) If the teacher or leader of the class or workshop has made the connection, you can be certain that I too have made the connection. When other people are saying things like, "This is nice, but I was really hoping to get some tangible ideas I can take home," I often am sighing inside. My neurons have usually been firing off ideas the whole time as I've connected all types of information in response to what I am learning.

At times, though, my inability to compartmentalize becomes problematic. Today I found that a global perspective I have been taking for granted for some time is not a common world view. I didn't realize until after I pissed someone off (at work, no less) by taking my broad view as a given. Actually, it took me getting upset that I'd pissed someone off. I got upset and called a colleague who listened to me explain my thinking to her, and then she said "I have never thought of it like that before." The subsequent dialogue in my head went something like:

Oh.

Oh! Huh.

Really? I could have sworn that other colleagues have talked about this before.

Is it just me?

I don't get how this can be compartmentalized.

I am so confused. I am so hurt [that the person I pissed off was so offended].

Sometimes it is hard not to feel crazy.

Postscript: A few days later, I am feeling much better. I called another colleague, one from the west coast whose response to the idea that I think much differently than others was, "you do?!" Ah, it is likely another one of those east-west coast adjustments I am making. So then I talked to a colleague out here who is one of the longest-serving and most respected in our field. And though she has worked for 30 years in the northeast, she also is very involved in the national organization of our association and has a good understanding of regional differences. She is a tremendous mentor for me! I wanted her to help me shift my thinking, if necessary, into a more regionally-appropriate form. But she told me I was spot-on in my thinking, and that more than anything I just have to be patient (and try harder not to scare people so much with my wild west ways LOL).

Intermission Videos

I am taking a break from a brain-intensive project I am doing for work. Thought during my break I'd post some intermission videos (videos you can come back and enjoy as you have the time while I am taking a web and phone communication hiatus).

The video clips here (all of varying lengths) are all related to the following theme: TV and Movie Characters Who Could Just Be on the Autism Spectrum ;-)...

Dwight Schrute





Sheldon





Remy





Spike





Snape or Luna??







Gregory House






http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCPkoqGyVpI


Monk





Max





Napoleon Dynamite





Joon



Arnie

(I've never seen this movie...but this video made me cry)




Forrest Gump



Juno



Gilligan



Jerry Espenson

Taking a Little Break

I think I am going to take a little break from online (and phone) communication, including blogging for a week or two.

For one thing, I am not getting enough done this summer and need to minimize distractions. Also, I have a disturbing communication pattern recently in which I seem to be unintentionally offending others, and I'd hate to see this impacting my relationships unecessarily.

I am not sure what is causing this pattern (When I read over the things I am writing, I am often confused by how it is being "heard." That wouldn't be unusual for someone on the neurologically divergent side like myself, as social relationships are a challenge and a source of anxiety and misunderstanding due to differing perspectives and approaches and actual purposes for communication.). But it seems to be another one of those blips in my usual patterns and relationships, so I am going to assume for now that it is temporary and that it may be diminished by the time I begin posting again.

I hope you will stay tuned and rejoin me in early or mid-August for more adventures.