Please read this message from Melissa Ethridge about the upcoming inauguration. I found it helpful:
The Choice Is Ours Now
Showing posts with label GLBTQ. Show all posts
Showing posts with label GLBTQ. Show all posts
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
The Presidential Inauguration
The day after Barack Obama won the elections, G. caught me telling the kids, "We're going to go see Obama get sworn in as president!"
"No way," she said.
"Why not?" I asked, thinking that DC can't be that far from here in MA and imagining a three hour drive or something. Everything is so small here on the east coast.
"We don't have the money, that's why."
"Oh. Well, how much could it cost to drive down there for a day?"
"A lot. First of all, there is gas," (alright, she had me there). "Second of all, there is no way in heck we could put the kids through a drive there for seven or eight hours..." (SEVEN OR EIGHT HOURS?!) "...stay there for all day, and then try to drive back. You are talking about at least two overnights."
"Oh. Well, what if we slept in the car? Or we could camp. Come on, we could bring a cooler full of food and it would be a really memorable adventure."
"Sleep in the car, or camp with two small kids, in January?! Are you serious? No, there is no way in heck I am going for that. Besides, I already said there is no money for gas."
"I guess you've got me."
So I looked up stuff on inaguarations and learned that you usually can't see anything anyway. There are so many people there, there is no way you can actually see the president. And apparently its hard to see even the parade, which is really the only event designed for "common people" like ourselves. My kids would be sorely disappointed to go all that way and not even get a glimpse of Obama.
This made me feel a lot better about not going. I guess I had just wanted to be there with my kids on this very historical and amazing day. It's a day I feel like I've waited for my whole life.
But did you all get the email from the transition team, that more than ever before, Obama wants to inaugural events to not be just for big donors, but for the whole nation? Hmmm. The itch isn't back in full force, but it sure did make me stop for a minute.
Speaking of the inauguration, while I think the g/l/b/t community provided tremendous support for Obama and I don't fault the disappointment of people like my wife regarding Obama's decision about the invocation, the Rev. Ketcham had a good point here. But on the other hand, the Rev. Ford has some good points here too...
"No way," she said.
"Why not?" I asked, thinking that DC can't be that far from here in MA and imagining a three hour drive or something. Everything is so small here on the east coast.
"We don't have the money, that's why."
"Oh. Well, how much could it cost to drive down there for a day?"
"A lot. First of all, there is gas," (alright, she had me there). "Second of all, there is no way in heck we could put the kids through a drive there for seven or eight hours..." (SEVEN OR EIGHT HOURS?!) "...stay there for all day, and then try to drive back. You are talking about at least two overnights."
"Oh. Well, what if we slept in the car? Or we could camp. Come on, we could bring a cooler full of food and it would be a really memorable adventure."
"Sleep in the car, or camp with two small kids, in January?! Are you serious? No, there is no way in heck I am going for that. Besides, I already said there is no money for gas."
"I guess you've got me."
So I looked up stuff on inaguarations and learned that you usually can't see anything anyway. There are so many people there, there is no way you can actually see the president. And apparently its hard to see even the parade, which is really the only event designed for "common people" like ourselves. My kids would be sorely disappointed to go all that way and not even get a glimpse of Obama.
This made me feel a lot better about not going. I guess I had just wanted to be there with my kids on this very historical and amazing day. It's a day I feel like I've waited for my whole life.
But did you all get the email from the transition team, that more than ever before, Obama wants to inaugural events to not be just for big donors, but for the whole nation? Hmmm. The itch isn't back in full force, but it sure did make me stop for a minute.
Speaking of the inauguration, while I think the g/l/b/t community provided tremendous support for Obama and I don't fault the disappointment of people like my wife regarding Obama's decision about the invocation, the Rev. Ketcham had a good point here. But on the other hand, the Rev. Ford has some good points here too...
Monday, June 30, 2008
On the Importance of Pride
It is still (g/l/b/t/q) pride month, after all, so I might as well use this time to reflect and post a little more on the topic of being a biaffectional woman married monogamously to another woman, and having children together.
It's funny how with time, we come to insulate ourselves from some of the harshness of life. Important for survival, really, but also in some ways destructive because it allows prejudice and discrimination to become unchallenged, especially to the extent it is subtle (racism, for example, is so insidious now-- and dangerous in a significant but historically different way-- in large part because in many areas of the U.S. it has become incredibly subtle).
G. and I are certain that we were born to be the way we are. We are educated enough on the destructive nature of the "ex-gay" movement, and the ineffectiveness of the work of those who claim they are "curing" gays, to feel confident that trying to change this aspect of ourselves could literally kill us. I also feel theologically, morally, and ethically comfortable with my belief that our love for one another is true and worthy, and that real love-denied is God-denied. Our love does a dis-service to no one. If someone wants to claim otherwise, I defy them to provide real, solid, scientific proof. It just isn't true.
Since I am comfortable with who I am, and with who G. and I are as a couple, being a same-sex couple has become sort of a footnote in our lives. Contrary to what "gay liberationists" might claim, I haven't assimilated. I simply have integrated all the aspects of who I am into a whole being. I could want nothing more for my children than for them to live fully into their wholeness, and so it is also a gift to myself to do so. This is of great service to me and the other people in my life.
I always wanted to be a mother, since I was a very young child. Now I am. I have always wanted to get married, to live a married life. Not because that is an expectation placed on me by society as much as I find the idea of committing myself to someone in a monogamous relationship to be a spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally fulfilling approach to life. I am actually probably too lazy to do anything else, too.
I am true to myself, and that is something about which I feel very good.
G. and I are so comfortable with who we are, that we rarely any more feel the need to either fly a banner or to hide it. We do enjoying "flying the banner" at pride events and gathering with others who have experienced similar things to us at times, and at other times we are too scared to hold hands, for example, when we are taking a walk on the beach. Sure. We once were walking down the street without touching one another at all, not even talking in any way that indicated we were a couple, and a man spat at us and shouted in our faces "Fucking dykes. 9-11 is YOUR fault!"
But in our day-to-day life, we just are who we are. We get up, we go to work, we take care of our kids, we have doctor's appointments and parties to attend, we mow our lawn and fix the faucet, etc. etc. In all this, there are only brief, fleeting moments when I choose between living a life of truth vs. hiding. An example of one of those moments: when chatting with the grocery store clerk about why I can't remember the pin number on the debit card (embarrasing story from the other day), do I say, "my wife" or "my partner" (to make it more gender neutral) or "my husband" (I NEVER make this choice anymore...I don't want to live a lie) doesn't feel like changing the pin number to something I can remember. And if I make it gender neutral, how do I end the sentence without saying, "she?"
Despite those fleeting moments, I have found that 90% of the time, if I approach my relationship comfortably when relating to others, they do too. Our neighbors, the other mommies at my kids playgroup...whoever...even if they skip a beat, they too are able to generally integrate the wholeness of who we are into their understanding of the world and, often, embrace us. I even like to think that by us being who we are, they come to understand us no longer as some abstract threatening concept, but as real, kind, and loving human beings who are doing no harm by being who we are.
But sometimes the "skipping a beat," the difference between whether we are tolerated, or accepted, or embraced, and if just tolerated, at what level, those fleeting moments...they do come to weigh down on us, to harm us, and they do impact our quality of life and also the type of life our children will experience.
Within the last month or so, our family attended an event of significance. Our children were playing happily a short distance from us, and someone we didn't know who was standing just a step or two from them commented that they were cute and asked the hosts "whose children?" The hostess replied that they are ours, gesturing toward G. and myself. "Ooooooh," the questioner replied with some indication of discomfort and/or disapproval in her voice, "I didn't know THEY had kids."
I pretended not to hear because it just seemed easier, and I certainly didn't want to cause any disharmony at this occassion. I never know how to handle these situations, no matter how much they come up. But I am becoming more and more aware that my kids are listening to *everything,* and they do hear this stuff, and it does come across to them as an invalidation and questioning of their very family. As benign as this described scenario sounds, just imagine its weight on a small child, especially given that it is not an isolated type of incident.
Some have used this to argue that same-sex couples shouldn't have children at all. I find that argument utterly ridiculous. Should racial minorities not have children to protect young ones from racism? I mean, REALLY.
As I play the scene I just described back over and over in my mind, I can imagine different responses. Perhaps I could have said, for example, "Yes," as I walked over to my children, "they are ours." This would have said to my children, "I am proud and unashamed of our family." But I didn't, and honestly, I don't know if there is ever a perfect response to bigotry, even subtle, insidious bigotry.
So here we are, people whose very essence and value and basic human rights are questioned daily...right in front of our own children, even.
Recently, as if to remind me of the work still needed on this issue (and believe me, this is work I'd rather not have to do), I moved over 3000 miles with my family to a new home, a new community. All that insulation I had created was stripped. We were vulnerable again.
I learned a couple months ago that someone in the church quit immediately upon my hire, after reading my biography in which it is honestly stated that I am married to G. and that we have two children. This actually stunned me. In my life as a religious professional to date, it hasn't been an issue. I grew up so isolated from this type of thing, and my faith community (the same one I grew up in) is known for its welcoming of families like ours. So I nearly fell off my chair when I found out, but it is the ugly truth. Now, as our congregation moves slowly toward possibly working toward official "welcoming congregation" status, while the majority of the congregation is supportive or at least neutral, some of that prejudice is surfacing. I have already been questioned for not choosing to live in hiding. Like I said, it's not like I am waving the banner around or anything, but I am comfortable with who I am as well. Is this something unique to congregations in my new geographical region, or something more endemic that I have somehow been sheltered from in my approximately 30 years (give or take) in this faith?
It just goes to show, the prejudice is still there. The silent and muttered disapproval is burning a hole in my stomach, really. And for the sake of my children and yours, we ought to call it like we see it (all of us, gay, straight, or anywhere in between) so we can one day find these wounds finally healed...
Here's to doing my small part.
It's funny how with time, we come to insulate ourselves from some of the harshness of life. Important for survival, really, but also in some ways destructive because it allows prejudice and discrimination to become unchallenged, especially to the extent it is subtle (racism, for example, is so insidious now-- and dangerous in a significant but historically different way-- in large part because in many areas of the U.S. it has become incredibly subtle).
G. and I are certain that we were born to be the way we are. We are educated enough on the destructive nature of the "ex-gay" movement, and the ineffectiveness of the work of those who claim they are "curing" gays, to feel confident that trying to change this aspect of ourselves could literally kill us. I also feel theologically, morally, and ethically comfortable with my belief that our love for one another is true and worthy, and that real love-denied is God-denied. Our love does a dis-service to no one. If someone wants to claim otherwise, I defy them to provide real, solid, scientific proof. It just isn't true.
Since I am comfortable with who I am, and with who G. and I are as a couple, being a same-sex couple has become sort of a footnote in our lives. Contrary to what "gay liberationists" might claim, I haven't assimilated. I simply have integrated all the aspects of who I am into a whole being. I could want nothing more for my children than for them to live fully into their wholeness, and so it is also a gift to myself to do so. This is of great service to me and the other people in my life.
I always wanted to be a mother, since I was a very young child. Now I am. I have always wanted to get married, to live a married life. Not because that is an expectation placed on me by society as much as I find the idea of committing myself to someone in a monogamous relationship to be a spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally fulfilling approach to life. I am actually probably too lazy to do anything else, too.
I am true to myself, and that is something about which I feel very good.
G. and I are so comfortable with who we are, that we rarely any more feel the need to either fly a banner or to hide it. We do enjoying "flying the banner" at pride events and gathering with others who have experienced similar things to us at times, and at other times we are too scared to hold hands, for example, when we are taking a walk on the beach. Sure. We once were walking down the street without touching one another at all, not even talking in any way that indicated we were a couple, and a man spat at us and shouted in our faces "Fucking dykes. 9-11 is YOUR fault!"
But in our day-to-day life, we just are who we are. We get up, we go to work, we take care of our kids, we have doctor's appointments and parties to attend, we mow our lawn and fix the faucet, etc. etc. In all this, there are only brief, fleeting moments when I choose between living a life of truth vs. hiding. An example of one of those moments: when chatting with the grocery store clerk about why I can't remember the pin number on the debit card (embarrasing story from the other day), do I say, "my wife" or "my partner" (to make it more gender neutral) or "my husband" (I NEVER make this choice anymore...I don't want to live a lie) doesn't feel like changing the pin number to something I can remember. And if I make it gender neutral, how do I end the sentence without saying, "she?"
Despite those fleeting moments, I have found that 90% of the time, if I approach my relationship comfortably when relating to others, they do too. Our neighbors, the other mommies at my kids playgroup...whoever...even if they skip a beat, they too are able to generally integrate the wholeness of who we are into their understanding of the world and, often, embrace us. I even like to think that by us being who we are, they come to understand us no longer as some abstract threatening concept, but as real, kind, and loving human beings who are doing no harm by being who we are.
But sometimes the "skipping a beat," the difference between whether we are tolerated, or accepted, or embraced, and if just tolerated, at what level, those fleeting moments...they do come to weigh down on us, to harm us, and they do impact our quality of life and also the type of life our children will experience.
Within the last month or so, our family attended an event of significance. Our children were playing happily a short distance from us, and someone we didn't know who was standing just a step or two from them commented that they were cute and asked the hosts "whose children?" The hostess replied that they are ours, gesturing toward G. and myself. "Ooooooh," the questioner replied with some indication of discomfort and/or disapproval in her voice, "I didn't know THEY had kids."
I pretended not to hear because it just seemed easier, and I certainly didn't want to cause any disharmony at this occassion. I never know how to handle these situations, no matter how much they come up. But I am becoming more and more aware that my kids are listening to *everything,* and they do hear this stuff, and it does come across to them as an invalidation and questioning of their very family. As benign as this described scenario sounds, just imagine its weight on a small child, especially given that it is not an isolated type of incident.
Some have used this to argue that same-sex couples shouldn't have children at all. I find that argument utterly ridiculous. Should racial minorities not have children to protect young ones from racism? I mean, REALLY.
As I play the scene I just described back over and over in my mind, I can imagine different responses. Perhaps I could have said, for example, "Yes," as I walked over to my children, "they are ours." This would have said to my children, "I am proud and unashamed of our family." But I didn't, and honestly, I don't know if there is ever a perfect response to bigotry, even subtle, insidious bigotry.
So here we are, people whose very essence and value and basic human rights are questioned daily...right in front of our own children, even.
Recently, as if to remind me of the work still needed on this issue (and believe me, this is work I'd rather not have to do), I moved over 3000 miles with my family to a new home, a new community. All that insulation I had created was stripped. We were vulnerable again.
I learned a couple months ago that someone in the church quit immediately upon my hire, after reading my biography in which it is honestly stated that I am married to G. and that we have two children. This actually stunned me. In my life as a religious professional to date, it hasn't been an issue. I grew up so isolated from this type of thing, and my faith community (the same one I grew up in) is known for its welcoming of families like ours. So I nearly fell off my chair when I found out, but it is the ugly truth. Now, as our congregation moves slowly toward possibly working toward official "welcoming congregation" status, while the majority of the congregation is supportive or at least neutral, some of that prejudice is surfacing. I have already been questioned for not choosing to live in hiding. Like I said, it's not like I am waving the banner around or anything, but I am comfortable with who I am as well. Is this something unique to congregations in my new geographical region, or something more endemic that I have somehow been sheltered from in my approximately 30 years (give or take) in this faith?
It just goes to show, the prejudice is still there. The silent and muttered disapproval is burning a hole in my stomach, really. And for the sake of my children and yours, we ought to call it like we see it (all of us, gay, straight, or anywhere in between) so we can one day find these wounds finally healed...
Here's to doing my small part.
An Open Letter to Family Equality Council
I am posting the following for public discourse because:
1. I know others are in a similar position and frustrated, and I figure it doesn't hurt to communicate to one another what it is we are doing to resolve the matter so that we can share our needs with the Family Equality Council with some unity.
2. I would love it if anyone with more information or details in regard to any of the items mentioned in this letter would come share them in the comments section here so we can start to collect all information floating around out there...just in case the council is unable to respond in time.
Dear Family Equality Council,
My family and I have recently moved to Massachusetts. Last week, I heard about Family Week in Provincetown. I am interested. However, as I am not yet “in the know,” I am finding it more than a little frustrating to get more information.
I need to do some basic planning in order to attend, and I can’t wait until the last minute for most of the planning. For example, I will be taking some time off work to attend. I don’t have a full week I can take off, but I can get one or two days at least. I need to figure out which day(s) will be most fun for the particular members of my family. And I need to make this decision in time to arrange for time off. I also need to do some financial preparation for this event. I will need time to "save my pennies," so to speak.
From some conversations online with other folks in similar positions, it seems I am not alone. So while I would love a response with pertinent information via email, what I would appreciate even more (and ultimately I think it will save you from having to answer too many repeat questions from different people via email and phone), is if you posted the following on your website:
And finally, thank you so very, very much for your work on behalf of our families and for this event which sounds so lovely and must be so much work!
Warmly,
S.
1. I know others are in a similar position and frustrated, and I figure it doesn't hurt to communicate to one another what it is we are doing to resolve the matter so that we can share our needs with the Family Equality Council with some unity.
2. I would love it if anyone with more information or details in regard to any of the items mentioned in this letter would come share them in the comments section here so we can start to collect all information floating around out there...just in case the council is unable to respond in time.
Dear Family Equality Council,
My family and I have recently moved to Massachusetts. Last week, I heard about Family Week in Provincetown. I am interested. However, as I am not yet “in the know,” I am finding it more than a little frustrating to get more information.
I need to do some basic planning in order to attend, and I can’t wait until the last minute for most of the planning. For example, I will be taking some time off work to attend. I don’t have a full week I can take off, but I can get one or two days at least. I need to figure out which day(s) will be most fun for the particular members of my family. And I need to make this decision in time to arrange for time off. I also need to do some financial preparation for this event. I will need time to "save my pennies," so to speak.
From some conversations online with other folks in similar positions, it seems I am not alone. So while I would love a response with pertinent information via email, what I would appreciate even more (and ultimately I think it will save you from having to answer too many repeat questions from different people via email and phone), is if you posted the following on your website:
- Under “frequently asked questions” you post the question: “What is family week?” The answer you provide is a little helpful, but I am still unclear. Is it a conference? A festival? A structured collection of inter-related but independent events?
- Could you please post a preliminary schedule of the events with a brief one-three sentence description of each? I understand that details may still be under development, but even something tentative that could be grown as the details become more firm would be extremely helpful in asking for days off from work, for example, or gaining my children's investment in the event as another example. Again, please post any information you have available, even if you will need to add more information later or need to reserve the right to change any information.
- Could you provide information about whether the registration fee applies to those attending only part of the week (say, one-three days), and if so, whether it is prorated?
- In the schedule of events, could you list any cost associated with the event, and note whether this is a fee charged only to those who are unregistered or to everyone (a cost on top of the registration)?
- For those who are not able to come for the registration period, could you specify whether or not we have a specific location where we will need to go to pay fees or check in when we arrive. For example, if my family is arriving on Tuesday, do we go straight to the first event we plan to attend, or should we go to a main location first?
- Could you provide more details about the registration cost? Does the registration cover all members of the family? Is it a suggested donation or a required fee? Is there a sliding scale or scholarship program? If I make a donation in addition to my registration fee, can I specify that it be used as a “scholarship” for someone who can’t afford the fee?
And finally, thank you so very, very much for your work on behalf of our families and for this event which sounds so lovely and must be so much work!
Warmly,
S.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Hurrying Around...This Will Be Quick
Later I will post on some things of substance, including the documentary G and I watched the other night about small town gay bars.
But, my mom emailed these to me today...
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/3114
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/33f2687080
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/4152
I thought number one was very amusing. I had seen the "Landlord," and was not particularly amused, but I enjoyed the outakes. Good ol' Will!
But, my mom emailed these to me today...
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/3114
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/33f2687080
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/4152
I thought number one was very amusing. I had seen the "Landlord," and was not particularly amused, but I enjoyed the outakes. Good ol' Will!
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