Preorder Your Alternative to Saccharine Laced Anthologies Now

My Baby Rides the Short Bus is now ready for pre-orders at Amazon.com. This is a book of anthologies written by parents of children with special needs. It is specifically written by voices of marginalized, "minority," and punk parents.

You can get a better peek at what the book will be like at the My Baby Rides the Short Bus blog.

Sad

I just opened an email newsletter from the HANDLE institute to learn that its founder, Judith Bluestone, died this February. Our family experience with HANDLE was tremendously powerful, and Judith's book The Fabric of Autism: Weaving the Threads Into a Cogent Theory (which I personally prefer in audio format) remains on my all-time favorites list.

What sad news!

On a totally different note, here is another blog I neglected to put on my list. This is a mom I know from "elsewhere on the internet." She blogs periodically. Please note that she has music on her blog, so you'll want to turn down your speakers if you are at work or have a sleeping babe next to your speaker or anything like that ;-). http://adventureswithboandboo.blogspot.com/

(Added link to original post 3-10-09)

Two Quotes To Chew On Tonight

I have started reading two books today, not sure which I will commit to first. They are both on my 8 x 8 in '08 list. Tonight I was reading the first chapter of The Lost Art of Listening by Michael P. Nichols. Two things have stood out to me so far, and they are as quoted below:

"One of a mother's heaviest burdens is being the primary target of her children's primitive swings between need and rage."

The mothers in the room are surely nodding their heads. I'll have to think about that some more.

The second is a little harder for me to stomach right now. Having struggled much of my life-- at least on an internal level-- with social skills, I have only a very basic ability to be a good conversationalist. One tool I often fall back on is trying to share common ground with the person with whom I am talking. So if they, for example, start telling a story about an awful experience they had the other day at a restaurant, my first instinct is to share an awful restraunt story of my own as commiseration. In fact, depending on the speaker's motivation for sharing this story, this may leave them with the feeling that I am not really just *hearing* them. So, the author says:

"A good listener is a witness, not a filter for your experience."

Huh. Good food for thought as I hit the hay tonight.

A Blog Treasure: "It's Not on the Test" Song

Thanks to a homeschooling mama for posting this video on her blog (which I discovered this evening) along with the following quote:

"Just as eating against one's will is injurious to health, so study without a liking for it spoils the memory, and it retains nothing it takes in." --Leonardo Da Vinci




She also passed on the very clever idea of using rain gutters to house books for the kids, with fronts displayed. I wonder if there is somewhere in the new house where we have good wall space to do this? This is one of the pictures she shared of the "reading corner" in her house:

So I guess that makes two major treasures discovered!

Reading List: 8 Categories, 8 Books For 2008 (8 x 8 in 08)

Okay, so I'm going to need to give myself an extension until June 2009, but I FINALLY completed my reading list for 2008. I already have books starting to go on a potential '09 list!!

Here it is: 8 CATEGORIES, 8 BOOKS EACH

From My Bookshelf-- Never Read ~or~ Started and Never Finished
1. Proust and the Squid: The Story and Science of the Reading Brain by Maryanne Wolfe
2. Daniel Isn't Talking (a novel) by Marti Leimbach
3. The Virgin Homeowner: The Essential Guide to Owning, Maintaining, and Surviving Your Home by Janice Papolous
4. Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge
5. Ahab's Wife: Or, the Star-gazer (a novel) by Sena Jeter
6. Black, White, Jewish: Autobiography of a Shifting Self by Rebecca Walker (this may be a re-read...I can't remember whether or not I finished it)
7. The Fruits of Our Labors: The Bicentennial History of the First Unitarian Church of Worcester 1785-1985 by Walter Donald Kring
8. The Ultimate Guide to Pool Maintenance by Terry Tamminen


Fictional Classics and Well-Knowns
1. A Tree Grows In Brooklyn by Betty Smith
2. Jane Eyre by Emily Bronte
3. The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky
4. Tin Drum by Gunter Grass
5. Life of Pi by Yann Martel
6. One Flew Over the Cukoos Nest by Ken Kesey (this is likely a re-read, but if so, I remember the play more vividly so would like to explore the book some more)
7. A Street Car Named Desire by Tennesee Williams
8. Animal Farm by George Orwell


Parenting
1. Becoming the Parent You Want to Be by Janis Keyser and Laura Davis (a re-read for the fourth or fifth time because I love it that much and it is dense so there is always more to "get..."plus, I am out of practice)
2. Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Bailey
3. Conscious Discipline by Becky Bailey
4. Connection Parenting by Pam Leo
5. Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
6. Everyday Blessing: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting by Jon and Myla Kabat-Zinn
7. Buddhism for Mothers: A Calm Approach to Caring for Yourself and Your Children by Sarah Napthali
8. The Lost Art of Listening: How Learning To Listen Can Improve Relationships by Michael P. Nichols (indirect relationship to topic, but I still felt it was important)


Related to My Vocation
1. Practicing Resurrection: A Memoir of Work, Doubt, Discernment, and Moments of Grace by Nora Gallagher
2. Waking Up To What You Do by Diane Risetto
3. The Kingdom of God is Within You by Leo Tolstoy
4. Walk in the Light & Twenty-Three Tales by Leo Tolstoy
5. Emerson: The Mind on Fire by Robert D. Richardson Jr.
6. How Then, Shall We Live? Four Simple Questions That Reveal the Beauty and Meaning of Our Lives by Wayne Muller
7. Practice of the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence
8. Dark Night of the Soul by St. John of the Cross


Poetry and Fiction
1. Hardheaded Weather: New and Selected Poems by Cornelius Eady
2. Catch-22 by Joseph Heller
3. A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini
4. Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
5. Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
6. The Boat by Nam Le
7. America, America by Ethan Canin
8. Lady of the Snakes by Rachel Pastan


Nonfiction
1. Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions by Dan Ariely (on economics)
2. Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and Coping With ADD From Childhood Through Adulthood by Edward Hallowell, M.D. and John Ratey, M.D. and/or Delivered From Distraction by Edward Hallowell
3. Unequal Protection: The Rise of Corporate Dominance and the Theft of Human Rights by Thom Hartmann
4. A Crime So Monstrous: Face-to-Face with Modern-Day Slavery by Benjamin Skinner
5. The Zen of Listening: Mindful Communications in the Age of Distractions by Rebecca Shafir
6. Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships by Sean Barron and Temple Grandin
7. Can't Remember What I Forgot: The Good News From the Frontlines of Memory Research by Sue Halpern
8. Nim Chimpsky: The Chimp Who Would Be Human by Elizabeth Hess


Children's Literature (any genre or age level)
1. Goldie the Dollmaker by M. B. Goffstein
2. Punk Farm by Jarrett J. Krosoczka
3. The Giver by Lois Lowry
4. A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle (I am pretty sure this is a re-read, and that I read this as a child, but I don't remember it)
5. When a Monster is Born by Sean Taylor
6. A Kick in the Head: An Everyday Guide to Poetic Forms by Paul B. Janeczko
7. Be Quiet, Marina by Kirsten De Bear
8. The Invention of Hugo Cabret by Brian Selznick


Biographies and Memoires
1. Waiting: The True Confessions of a Waitress by Debra Ginsberg
2. Lucy's Story: Autism and Other Adventures by Lucy Blackman
3. I Had No Means To Shout by Mary Jane Gray Hale and Charles Martel, Jr. Hale
4. The Beautiful Struggle by Tanehisi Coates
5. The Woman Who Can't Forget: The Extraordinary Story of Living with the Most Remarkable Memory Known to Science by Jill Price
6. Step by Step: A Memoire of Hope, Friendship, Perseverance, and Living the American Dream by Bertie Bowman
7. A Remarkable Mother by Jimmy Carter
8. Things Seen and Unseen by Nora Gallagher

Your Guide to Home Inspection Preparation

I know, I know...hearing about my house-hunting adventures is probably getting a little old.

Just indulge me. If we buy this house, it will all be over in about a month. Inspections begin in less than 36 hours. The clock is ticking. My blood pressure is rising. And I am responding in my usual manner: CONTROL everything I CAN control.

Your Guide to

Home Inspection Preparation

In Three Easy Steps

(note: most advice is taken directly from

The Virgin Homeowner by Janice Papolos)

Step 1

Gather together the following: A loose leaf notebook and dividers, blank paper with holes punched, brightly colored tags with strings on them, and the book The Virgin Homeowner, by Janice Papolos, which I reviewed below. Also get your camera, and if your camera is not digital, some film. If your potential-house has any special conditions, such as a pool, get some study materials on that as well. And finally, on an optional basis, get sticky tabs of some sort to mark important information (see below).

Read The Virgin Homeowner. If you don't have time to read it all, read the section on home inspections. If you can squeeze it in, try to also read each section on the major components of a home: heating and cooling systems, plumbing, etc. But definitely, definitely, read the section on home inspections. Preferably, read this before you hire an inspector. The book will have more detailed guidelines.

If you have picked up a supplemental resource, such as my book on pools above, read up. If you don't have time to read it all, read enough to get basic familiarity with the system and its major components, to develop a list of starting questions, and to get some basic vocabulary. If you don't have time to read that, skim through it to get what you can.

Step 2

Get out your notebook, dividers, blank paper, and if you have them, your sticky tabs. Make a label for the loose leaf notebook if desired. I chose to affix my sticky tab dispensers to the notebook and to make a color-code index. My sticky tabs are post-it flags I can use to draw attention to anything I write about work that needs to get done on the house. Each color represents the time period in which the task needs to get done:

• Within 6 Days
• Within 60 Days
• Within 600 Days (~2 years)
• Later than 600 Days, On a Regular Schedule Such as Annually, or "Not Needed but Maybe Someday"

Then, create dividers of your choice related to subject matter that will be covered in the home inspection. Mine are:

1. Bathrooms, Kitchen, and Plumbing
2. Electric
3. Heating and Cooling
4. Appliances, Warranties, and Utilities
5. Fireplace, Fire Protection, and General Safety
6. Roof, Foundation, and Basement
7. The Healthy Home: Ventilation, Pest Management, and Toxins
8. General Interior
9. Garage
10. General Exterior
11. Landscaping, Exterior Water Systems, Driveways, and Walkways
12. Pool

I also chose to use this notebook to store all documents related to the purchase. If you do this, bear in mind that you may need a loose leaf notebook fitted for legal sized papers, as papers you sign at the closing may be legal size. Additionally, you may have to upgrade to a thicker notebook depending on how many papers you acquire. Based on our first home purchase experience, I am guessing that a 1.5 inch notebook would have been the minimum needed. I am hopelessly hoping for fewer papers this time around. My last tabs are:

• Referrals, Pre-Closing Papers, General Documents, Etc.
• Finance
• Closing Papers
• Other

In each section of the notebook, I placed approximately three blank pages for note taking and drawings during the inspection. Notice that I chose dividers that have a "sleeve" for storage. Keep in mind that your inspection isn't just a time to make sure "everything is up to snuff" and to come up with some negotiation points for a reduced price. This is your chance to become fully acquainted with your potential house and to become educated about its condition and care. It is also a time to create your list of work that needs to be done on the house, and set priorities. And finally, it is your chance to document details that are important in the condition of the house.

Bringing a camera to the inspection is a good idea. You can take pictures to document, to help you remember certain details, and to generally admire, among other uses. If you can, place a "time and date stamp" on the photos so you remember when you took them. Slip the photos in the sleeves. You can use the sleeves for other items that come your way during the inspection, and later on, who knows, you could even use it for paint chip samples (just keep in mind that the inspection is the WRONG time to be thinking about selecting paint colors).

Step 3

Mark three brightly colored tags for major water shut off locations: the main water, the hot water, and the outdoor sprinkler system water. Again, an inspection is a chance to get ready to care properly for your potential-home. You are paying an inspector not just for the details on the condition of your home, but also for education on how to care for it.

I also am bringing extra tags to my inspection in case I want to mark anything else I am likely to forget. For example, I may want to mark switches on the furnace that will guide me in its operation.

And that's basically it. Now you are ready for your home inspection.

By the way, the usual rate for a home inspection ranges from around $200-400. In my area, the average price hovers around $300. However, we are paying $495. This is because the inspector we interviewed about whom we felt most confident, and who promised us the most generous amount of time for the inspection, smf who seemed most adept at educating homebuyers (and even turns down home inspections when buyers can't be there), and who is a member of the "American Society of Home Inspectors" (ASHI) charges that much.

Unfortunately, I also learned today that pool inspections can be quite pricey. For a complete pool inspection (visual examination, leak test, and dive), I was quoted $790 today! That's approaching double the cost of my home inspection, so I am not sure what I will do about that!!?

Anyone Looking To Buy a Home Should Read This

The book is called The Virgin Homeowner: The Essential Guide to Owning, Maintaining, and Surviving Your Home by Janice Papolos.

It has both positive and negative reviews on Amazon. Here is the review I wrote today:

I *adore* this book. I first bought the 1997 version (I hear there is a new one?), right around the time we closed on our very first home in the Pacific Northwest of the United States. The house was a 1963 ranch style home.

Another reviewer mixed this up with a novel-style book. In fact, it is a narrative-style. I am a "reader," so I appreciated the narrative spiced with good humor admist all the technical bits. Like the author, I was moving from a city I loved to a town I liked but did not love. It covered a lot of ground and helped me feel less alone in the emotional experience of first time home ownership (particularly involving a relocation). The narrative style made it a very quick read for me, despite how inadept I am mechanically.

What the book gave me primarily was an understanding of how the systems of homes work, and what all that meant for me as "the average inexperienced homeowner." You can't get that in a how-to and fix-it book. Generally, those books look very narrowly at systems and their failures. This book gave me a basic foundation to actually *understand* the how-to and fix-it books.

There may have been pieces of information missing, which the author might want to consider adding to a future addition, such as what a previous reviewer mentioned about the question of whether to wash air conditioners annually. But I found the author provided a good basic guide to maintaining a home. Advice included everything from what type of firewood not to burn in a fireplace to how to how to pest-proof a home.

The author also advises her readers on how to find quality home care professionals, how to establish good relationships with these professionals, and what type of regular contact is necessary with these folks. In the case of "when things go wrong," she gives a basic guide as to what to look for, what to do for immediate steps, and when to call a professional. This includes everything from a sink clogging to a furnace not giving off heat. She gives good "starter" advice on purchasing replacement equipment when it comes to the major components of a system: toilets, water heaters, air conditioners, and so forth.

When I sold my first home, there were even a few tidbits in the book that helped me with that process too.

Now I am finding myself in the middle of purchasing my second home, this time in New England. Though this book is geared to the "virgin" homeowner, I am still finding it to be a very helpful guide.

So far it has been useful in figuring out the right types of questions to ask as we've been hunting for our new home. This last week, we put an offer down on a house (a 1920s colonial), and in the coming week, we'll be doing the inspections. I am pouring over this book right now, soaking up so much stuff I once knew but have forgotten.

And I feel waaaaaaay more prepared this time, having this book before my home inspection, whereas last time I didn't get it until closer to our closing. It has already helped me hire an inspector with whom I feel I can place total confidence, and I feel like I have been asking the right questions and seeking the right kind of information this time around to really know what I am getting into.

The section on home inspections has some great little tips that will really be useful for me in making the most of it, and now I am re-reading all of the "home systems" sections.

I already have a list of great questions to ask about my home's systems during its inspection, and I know exactly the types of things I will be looking for in the report...and how anxious I should get about each possible problem.

Not only that, in both the case of purchasing my first and second homes, the book has helped me avoid major anxiety attacks during critical moments in the process. Even the author's occassional affirmation that you will be in a financial panic any time you buy a home is helpful.

I only wish I bought this book much earlier the first time around. For such a small book (the perfect size for a book of its type), it contains an amazing amount of information, as well as helpful and supportive narrative.

For what it is worth, though I am gushing about this book, I can see a few limitations. For instance, in the child-proofing section of the book, I think the author's advice is presumptive about parenting style and overly limited in scope. She also recommends some products in that section that I have used and found to be unhelpful or "cheap" in make. Nonetheless, the book overall is a complete and total gem!

Galileo

First, one more picture from work. It is not a good one, but it's a little slice of nature anyway.



Various notes...

House

1. Our offer is in on the house. Within 24 hours, we'll know whether it has been accepted (but even if it is accepted, of course, that doesn't mean we're in the "clear" because then there will be inspections and further negotiation, etc). I think we put in a very competitive offer. Someone could still beat us out, but we were trying to also be as gentle as we could be on our bank account despite the good chance that this will be a bidding war in the end. My agent said she'd call if she heard anything at all about another offer coming in so we could re-write our offer if desired. No call yet, so baited breath...

2. With the offer, I submitted the letter. I asked my agent about letters, and she said they were a fine thing to do, and that sometimes personalizing the offer helps. After reading it, she said she could go either way. On further discussion, we eliminated only this: "We will present to you the best offer we can afford..." We kept the letter exactly as-is otherwise, and went ahead and put it in with the offer.

3. If all goes well, we'll be moving next month.

4. Things I am thinking about now:

• Giving notice to our landlord


• Pool safety and also pool covers-- options. Also, caring for pools, salt water system conversions, etc.


• The lead inspection-- how to minimize costs related to lead abatement.


• The utility bills. For heat and hot water, given the use of oil and single zone heating, we are looking at a huge monthly bill. We're wondering if converting to gas is possible in this house, but I didn't notice a gas line. Maybe at least converting to zones? Electric? What's the cost of all this? When can we do this? It is anticipated that next year's oil will go up to $7/gallon! Those predicting the fossil fuel economy is crumbling before our eyes, starting with oil, just might be correct yet!


• Other environmental-economical issues on the domestic front: Is biking/bussing to work now an option (it is a flat and straight shot, but I am a little concerned about safety because the streets out here are crazy and the drivers are crazier). How far is the nearest grocery store from this house, and can we walk there with a wagon...what kind of sidewalks or lack thereof would the route involve? Can we get a wood stove and start stockpiling wood for next winter in case there is a fossil fuel crisis? Can one build a small raised bed vegetable garden on a small plot of concrete...and how does a novice with no natural gardening abilities go about getting started with such a project? How much does a push mower cost and where can we get one so we can replace our old gas mower (which we liked a lot for our former large lawn)?
• The roof-- how much life is left on it and what to do next and will this become part of the negotiations.


• Dog poop-- where will our dog go poop? *That* is the question.


• Neighborhood schools-- will I ask to visit our new neighborhood school and consider a placement for M. there next year in the preschool he gets via his IEP?


• Tax money. We could use some for closing costs, etc. Have we received any yet? What is on its way? What will we be waiting for, for a while?


• How to stay focused at work with all this going on! I can't stop my mind from going a million miles a minute right now. Eeek.


• How will I cope with the disappointment if this doesn't work out? If our offer isn't accepted or if things come unraveled in negotiations?
• And where or where is my trusted Virgin Homeowners Manual? I love that book and want to dig it out before inspections, which I need to get working on scheduling right away if our offer gets accepted tomorrow because we set our deadline for seven days.

Other

Remember the band Queen? Remember Brian May? Did you know he is Dr. Brian May, astrophysicist? I heard him on NPR today http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=90273890, and I loved hearing him talk about the way his worlds intermix. What a joy!

A 2008 Reading List

So my friend Sara, who you sometimes see posting comments here, has something brilliant on her website that I have to share. I don't know where it first originated, but it's fantastic! It is called 8 x 8 in '08 (aka the triple 8).

Check it out:

http://learningumbrella.homeschooljournal.net/8x8-in-2008/


The idea is to read 8 books in 8 categories in 2008. I like this way of focusing my priorities for my reading list. 8 overlaps are allowed (The goal is 56 books).

Since I have an inclination toward single-minded obsessiveness and perseveration, a tool that rounds out my world a bit is a very useful one indeed. I'm not sure I'll get through this much reading in 2008, especially since I am starting in April or May and am a slow reader (and I often re-read chapters of books two or three times before moving on). Oh yeah, and I have 2-two year olds LOL. But I love the challenge!

I am thinking these will probably be my categories. I'll post my final reading list once I have it done.

1. From My Bookshelf-- Never Read or Started and Never Finished
2. Classics (Fiction)
3. Parenting
4. Related to My Vocation
5. Historical and/or Political Fiction
6. Historical, Political, and/or Scientific Nonfiction
7. Children's Literature (any genre or age level)
8. Biographies

Oh yes, and I should say that I will also make a goal to get a library card for my new city library. Though for me, the library is a dangerous thing because I forget to take stuff back. Okay, maybe not. We'll see.

Mother Teresa, Come Be My Light

Late night post...hope this makes sense:

Did you hear about this book coming out?

It is a collection of letters, written by Mother Teresa. The publishing of the book itself is controversial, in large part because Mother Teresa asked that her letters be destroyed. Nonetheless, the author claims that frequently "saints" ask this about their writings, but that the Catholic church will hold onto any writings it deems valuable to its believers.

Using realplayer or windows media, listen to this interesting story I heard on NPR today (on the show On Point): http://www.onpointradio.org/shows/2007/08/20070830_a_main.asp

Like many others, I admired Mother Teresa from early in my childhood, but if you've ever read a book on her, you'll know what I mean when I say I have frequently been disappointed with how media/books simplify her into something almost inhuman.

I can't help but desire to read the book. It sounds amazing.

I wish to discuss this further, though my internet access is still limited so it will be slow coming (my laptop delivery has been further delayed to September 10-12th). Still, if any of you are still reading and have been following this story or listen to the fascinating piece above, post your thoughts in a comment to my post.

Okay, I have to head to bed. It is 2am and I need to be up at 7.

Erratum

This was my post, but nevermind, as I have figured out the edit:

As I have not been able to figure out how to edit, let me just offer that I misposted last time about a book called _Ahab's Wife_. I inadvertently called it _Abraham's Wife_. Thank you to my mother for catching that.

So I am on a whaling voyage

I am feeling really homesick, so after a phone conversation with my dw and children today, I called my mother to cry on her shoulder. She listened patiently for about twenty minutes, but she had somewhere she needed to go, so she asked my dad to talk to me. Whenever my dad talks to me about the situation I am in, he tells me this:

"Pretend you are on a whaling voyage."

My response today was: "Well, how the heck long does a whaling voyage last exactly?!"

My dad: "It could last TWO YEARS."

Me: "No way. The meat would go bad before you'd ever get back home."

My dad: "The whale oil is really what they were harvesting. It sold for a lot of money and made the voyage worth it."

(My mom, who was getting ready to go in the background but heard the conversation: "It's true. Read _Ahab's Wife_")

Me: "Fine, I'll pretend I am on a whaling voyage."

My dad: "There's no going back home when you are at sea, kid. But you know people have done it before you, so you can too. And lots of those whalers had happy homes, good families."

So I am on a whaling voyage. Ah-hoy! Better start learning some whaling songs.