R.I.P. Chubby and Wubby

Well, there was a surge of excitement yesterday evening around our house when we went to pick up our first African Dwarf Frogs. They were promptly and affectionately named "Chubby" and "Wubby" by the kids.

We acclimated them to the tank, and although we discovered at that time that Wubby obviously had a crushed claw (poor thing...we're 98% certain it was pre-purchase), Chubby at least seemed in good spirits and eager to explore the tank. She was extremely cute! We sat and watched the two of them for a half hour or more as they acclimated, and after the kids went to bed, and the frogs were in the tank and swimming around, I went and watched them for another half hour or more. They were mesmorizing, and I worried about Wubby but had a good feeling that Chubby was going to do just fine. She was alert and active, but also seemed comfortable.

Besides, we'd done all the "right" things for the tank preparation. The tank water had received a dose of "de-chlorinator" and sat there for a week, which was plenty of time to get rid of the chlorine. The water temperature was set automatically by a thermostat. We'd covered the filter intake feed with a clean and rinsed old nylon sock so the frogs wouldn't get sucked in.

I decided to wait until the morning to feed them, as the pet store said they did feedings everyday, and I didn't want to overwhelm them in their first night. I went to bed feeling optimistic.

This morning G. informed me that she went to check the frogs and that they were not looking good. Neither was moving. Wubby was at the bottom of the tank on his back. Chubby was floating at the top (which African Dwarf Frogs often do, as it makes it easier for them to "come up for air," so I wasn't convinced yet). So G. went back in and poked Chubby, and she did not move but simply sunk. They were dead.

Poor, dear frogs. I am feeling pretty heartsick.

My research ahead of time had indicated these little guys are fragile and really put through the ringer prior to coming home. It is rather stressful for them, all the transitions, and they may be sick even before coming home. I had heard they often die in the first week or two (maybe even month), but after that, if they've lived that long, they typically do quite well. So I was prepared that we might have a death on our hands, but I had not thought it would be overnight. I feel awful.

We haven't decided what to tell the kids yet. I'm taking the frogs back tonight, but before we get the new ones I think I may need to clean out the tank and put in new water just in case there is no bacteria or fungus in there from these frogs. On the other hand, the frogs we would get tonight would be from the same batch that the first ones came from, so they'd likely have all the same issues anyway.

I don't know.

I never would consider lying to the kids about this except that our dog Blue's death was pretty hard on M., and he had mixed feelings about the frogs from the start because he was worried about them dying (K. on the other hand was thrilled out of her mind). I also know that they'll have to face frog deaths at some point, and I'm just not sure *how many* I want them to face in a row, given how quickly these deaths occurred. Ack! This is one of the toughest mama decisions for me in recent history.


Edited to add: I did end up telling the kids. M. asked me tonight if the frogs were out of their pet shop bag and in the tank yet (I think he had a feeling something was up), and I looked at him and didn't have the heart to lie. I told him that the frogs had died overnight. He asked where they were. I said they were stored in a container in a closet until I could bring them back to the pet shop (which was supposed to happen tonight, but now it will have to wait for first thing tomorrow because the kids took too long going to bed). He asked why and I told him that I had to take them back so we could get new ones. He wanted to know how the pet shop would bury the frogs. I told him I didn't know (which is true, though I didn't mention that they don't likely bury dead frogs). After that, on the surface he took it in stride. I hope this just means he didn't get too attached. K. also took it in stride, but I think that is partly because she has no clue as to what exactly death means. Not that M. really "gets" it, but he gets it enough to not want it to happen to his animals.

This experience does make me glad I discouraged M. from the names he most wanted for the frogs: Nikki and Blue. Those were/are the names of our dogs, Blue (rest his soul) and Nakara (who sleeps by me as I write this now). I would have felt very weird having perished frogs with the dogs' names. But I do wonder why M. wanted them to share the names, and if it had anything to do with his worry that the frogs would die and his feelings about Blue's death.

Commitment and Frogs

I told my kids we could get a couple of African Dwarf Frogs after I save up a little money. They are super cheap, I have a fish tank to keep them in (they are fully aquatic), and they don't eat live food. I read online that they are the perfect novice frog owner frog. It seemed as harmless as getting a goldfish.

The sad thing is, it wasn't my kids who asked. They still think it is weird that frogs would be indoors, instead of out (OMG how I love them!). I agree with them, and I am not sure I want to support the companies that breed frogs and ship them in highly stressful conditions so they can go and be unhealthy in a pet shop and maybe have a shot at life in a small tank in someone's home. Especially because even though they are "dirt cheap," we've got to stretch to come up with the money.

What was I thinking?

I'm not really sure. I think I felt badly that our Montessori classroom didn't have any animals or something. And hey, frogs are cool enough. How strange I am.

I hesitated for a while because it was a matter of commitment. Apparently, African Dwarf Frogs which are very small often die in the first month home. But if they happen to live, they can live anywhere from 4-15 years. You only have to feed them every 3 days or so, but you still can't go on vacation for a week without arranging for their care. Do I really want to have a couple of frogs that I have to move the next time we move, even though such a move will likely be many years away?! Do I really want to have to buy frozen bloodworms every month for a couple little frogs. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am excited about them too. They are apparently very active during their waking hours (when they aren't hiding, which they also apparently do a lot of) and a lot of fun to watch. I can see myself falling "in love." Not to mention that I love the sound of a flowing fishtank. But more than anything, I guess I'm really not looking forward to them dying. If they get sick, there aren't too many options in terms of vet care, if any at all here. I cried the two times our beta fish died in one of our classrooms here at church. And why did I invite death into my kids' lives like that, so unecessarily?

But still, we spent a good portion of this morning setting up the fish tank and getting the filter working, and the kids are eager now to actually have frogs in there, so I'm not going to back out. Yet even as I write this I think, "am I teaching the kids something wrong by having a 'domestic' frog when they belong in the wild, tiny and as easily domesticated as they may be?"

I'm sure it will be fine. The tank is pretty big when you consider how very tiny these frogs are (less than a pinky finger in length if I recall), we put some cool plants in there for them to play in, and we're getting at least two because the frogs are social creatures who like to play together at the bottom of the tank...so I think they'll be as happy as they can be. I am pretty sure I can manage cleaning the tank every now and then and feeding the frogs every few days...even if it gets old after the first couple of months.

The thing with me is that (perhaps because I am Gemini???), I have a really mixed relationship with commitment. On one hand, I want everything to stay the same all the time. I am the last to agree to rearrangement of furniture in my house, I love holiday traditions and will do anything to keep a beloved tradition going, and though I am an adventurer who likes to try new things, once I find something I love to eat at a restaurant, I am the person who always orders the same thing. On the other hand, the real reason I think I jump into many big commitments is because I know I'll get cold feet if I don't.

Even though G. and I had been together for four years or something by the time we got married, and even though I had long before decided I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, I still can admit that I freaked out a bit before the wedding. During the planning (and of course, the planning was stressful, which was a big part of the whole thing), I nearly called it off er, a handful of times. G. knows this of course because she lived through it, poor thing. I am lucky she put up with me. I am completely indecisive about silly things like where to hang a picture on my wall and what color socks I want to wear or what I want to eat for dinner. If I get myself into trouble at work, it usually stems from being too wishy washy at some point in time, even though I tend to be opinionated and direct in my communication as a general rule.

Like I said, I am not simply allergic to commitment nor am I eager for commitment. It's as if I am both at the same time: eager and allergic.

And that's another one of my neurosis!