Wednesday, August 13, 2008

F* Keppra!

That's how I am feeling right now about my current anti-seizure medication. I am pretty sure I might be having breakthrough seizures, and meanwhile the side effects are still just as bad as they always were...so I am back to square one. F*?! I was this bad before the damn medication. Curse you Keppra! Curse you!!

Meanwhile, I am not doing my 72 hour EEG until the end of September because I don't have time to be hooked to an outlet for what works out to essentially four days once all is said and done. And I don't think the epileptologist wants to play around with my meds until it is done. Though maybe she'd get a better picture if I was off all meds for the EEG. But could I survive? I heard once you go off meds, the seizures get worse than they were before you were on them.

The doc said the goal of meds was to make me feel better not worse. It's time I started feeling better.

Oh F*! It's so dang frustrating. So hop over to the blog of Hopalong. She put music on her blog. The first song is my new theme song: "While You Were Sleeping" by Elvis Perkins. Like I wasn't already sleeping too much before I went on the meds. The singer hadn't intended this to be a theme song for the life of a girl taking Keppra. Clearly there is a deep meaning to the song. But all I can think is that while I was sleeping my babies grew and the money died and there was silence when the kitchen sang. This really, really wasn't the intended meaning of this song. Far from it. Sad.

while you were sleeping
the babies grew
the stars shined and the shadows moved
time flew,
the phone rang
there was a silence when the kitchen sang
its songs competed like kids for space
we stared for hours in our maker's face
they gave us picks
said go mine the sun
and go gold and come back when you're done
while you were sleeping
you tossed, you turned
you rolled your eyes as the world burned
the heavens fell, the earth quaked
i thought you must be, but you weren't awake
no, you were sleeping
you ignored the sun
you grew your power garden
for your little ones
and you found brides for them on christmas eve
they hung young cain from the adam trees
and danced while you were sleeping
i tossed and i turned til i closed my eyes
but the future burned through the planet
turned a hair gray as i relived the day
while you were sleeping
the money died
machines were harmless and the earth sighed
through the wind you slept sound
and gravity caught my love
around the ocean rose, sang about decay
while witches flew
and the mermaids stayed full of dreams,
you overslept and keeping with quiet,
through the walls i crept
i walked on tiptoe,
sent darkness swirling over all the kitchen in the early morning
i'll never catch up to you
who sleeps so sound
my arms are useless
my heart beats too loud to go to sleep
my mind's too proud to bow out
while you were sleeping
the time changed
all your things were rearranged your vampire mirrors face to face
they saw forever out into space
and found you dreaming in black and white
while it rained in all the colors of the night
i watched the tvs memories
championships vanished to sea
could it be, my honey between you and me
so i waited for the riddled sky
to be solved again by sunrise
and i've made a death suit for life
for my father's ill widowed wife
did you have that strangest dream
before you woke
cuz in your gown you had the butterfly stroke
did it escape you like some half told joke?
when you reached for your plume of smoke
it'll haunt you, my honey bee
anyone who is anyone has that same dream
were you falling
were you flyingand
were you calling out
or were you dying
thank god you're up now
let's stay that way
else there'll be no mornings
and no more days
cuz when we're dreaming
our babies grow
the sun shines
and the shadows flow
time flies
the phone rings
there is a silence
and everybody tries to sing

1 comment:

hopalong said...

It's working! (At first, I think, it wasn't). I'm glad you like the song -- it's one of my favorite. The singer's life story (well, what I know of it) is actually very, very sad, and I can't help but think of it when I listen to the song (his father, who played Norman Bates in Psycho, died of AIDS in the '90s, and his mother was on one of the planes that hit the twin towers on 9/11).

I'm sorry your medication is giving you such a hard time -- my thoughts and prayers are with you.