Engage in the National Dialogue

I really appreciate this opportunity to be a part of the conversation:

Go to http://www.change.gov/. Look under the slideshow banner, where you will see three buttons, currently "Open For Questions," "Happy Holidays," and "Your Weekly Address."

Click on "Open For Questions," register, and start voting on the questions you see and post your own questions.

My Mom Sent Me This

This is just too cool a city (and an artist) not to share...recycled!!

http://www.anaserrano.com/ANA_SERRANO/cartonlandia.html

Happy Hanukkah!

Happy Last Night of Hanukkah!

(This photo is of our "neighborhood menorah," at the rotary.)

With Open Arms and Open Hearts

Please read this message from Melissa Ethridge about the upcoming inauguration. I found it helpful:

The Choice Is Ours Now

Meet Zach

A video will play when you open up his website, so make sure your speakers are on:

"He's being a kid. He's being the kind of kid he wants to be."

I stumbled across this kid on YouTube, where I enjoyed a couple of his videos including one where he explains how he packs the backpacks...that video is on his website under "backpacks."

(And I Don't Even Like Disney)

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE!

This is a good song for the year, but in any case, may your Christmas be a magical one:



(or try...)

This is My Wife

Okay, it's not really my wife. But this is what I come home to most days of the week. A big tortilla-making mess on my kitchen table and my wife with sore tortilla-rolling shoulders (and the kids assuring me "we made tortillas for you today..." funny how even though the tortillas are for us, they always say they are special for me). The big excitement-- according to the kids-- is always whether she made flour or corn tortillas. Bless her, I love her...she takes such good care of all of us.

Skills For Life: Responding to Hurt Feelings

Sometimes as a parent, as I try to teach my children important lifeskills, it becomes readily apparent that I am still learning some of these skills.

Take for example, say, hurt feelings. My tendency is to internalize negative stuff. And then I get into a cycle of anxiety where I can't let it go and instead run the tape of whatever happened over and over in my head, worrying and feeling badly. And then, since I can't forever function with that going on, I eventually stuff it. It's something I've periodically worked on with therapists, but never quite mastered...the skill of being open and non-defensive without also internalizing everything negative that happens to me.

What do you do? What are your best skills when your feelings are hurt? (And bonus question: What are the most effective ways you've noticed kids build and practice these skills?)

Worried About Money Again

My January check may very well be a reduced one. So far the word is that they're looking at 5-15% cuts if the board goes forward with across the board cuts. The board is projecting a $63,000 income loss next year, so staff is definitely going to take a hit. But apparently I'm not even going to know what is going to happen until the end of January, just before checks are scheduled to be cut. What will that mean for checks? Will they wait until February to make the cuts? When will our contracts be renegotiated? The decision making process that happens before our big annual meeting is very loosey goosey, and I'm left in an uncomfortable position.

I'm the only one here who has young children. I am the primary "breadwinner" for my family. I have a family to support here for goodness sakes, and survival plans to put in place!!! Since I don't qualify for unemployment and partial unemployment, I need more time than the average bear.

Here's to hoping the one-person personnel committee will actually call me in to meet with him tomorrow or Tuesday so that I get a better sense of the leanings at this time and can advocate to the extent I am able for my work. This is just disturbing.

Yes! Hanukkah Starts Tomorrow Night!

Hooray! I am so excited. And drooling for latkes!

The Presidential Inauguration

The day after Barack Obama won the elections, G. caught me telling the kids, "We're going to go see Obama get sworn in as president!"

"No way," she said.

"Why not?" I asked, thinking that DC can't be that far from here in MA and imagining a three hour drive or something. Everything is so small here on the east coast.

"We don't have the money, that's why."

"Oh. Well, how much could it cost to drive down there for a day?"

"A lot. First of all, there is gas," (alright, she had me there). "Second of all, there is no way in heck we could put the kids through a drive there for seven or eight hours..." (SEVEN OR EIGHT HOURS?!) "...stay there for all day, and then try to drive back. You are talking about at least two overnights."

"Oh. Well, what if we slept in the car? Or we could camp. Come on, we could bring a cooler full of food and it would be a really memorable adventure."

"Sleep in the car, or camp with two small kids, in January?! Are you serious? No, there is no way in heck I am going for that. Besides, I already said there is no money for gas."

"I guess you've got me."

So I looked up stuff on inaguarations and learned that you usually can't see anything anyway. There are so many people there, there is no way you can actually see the president. And apparently its hard to see even the parade, which is really the only event designed for "common people" like ourselves. My kids would be sorely disappointed to go all that way and not even get a glimpse of Obama.

This made me feel a lot better about not going. I guess I had just wanted to be there with my kids on this very historical and amazing day. It's a day I feel like I've waited for my whole life.

But did you all get the email from the transition team, that more than ever before, Obama wants to inaugural events to not be just for big donors, but for the whole nation? Hmmm. The itch isn't back in full force, but it sure did make me stop for a minute.

Speaking of the inauguration, while I think the g/l/b/t community provided tremendous support for Obama and I don't fault the disappointment of people like my wife regarding Obama's decision about the invocation, the Rev. Ketcham had a good point here. But on the other hand, the Rev. Ford has some good points here too...

Love Actually

A few years ago, my mom gave me a copy of the 2003 film "Love Actually." It is truly great. I forget how much I love it until I sit down and watch it again, often around the holidays.

This is a classic you really shouldn't miss. If you've never seen it before, check your local library for it, pick it up at the video store, or put it on your Netflix queue (here, I'll even make it wasy for you: Love Actually Netflix Link). It's an especially good holiday flick.

I tried to find a good clip that wouldn't spoil too many of the scenes. This was the best I could do, below. Oh, and by the way, the footage at the start and end of the film is all real (not acted).

Toys and Toxins

This blog I just discovered had an interesting post on it about testing toys for toxins. Check it out! It's an important conversation for all of us to be having. How do we balance all this?

My Mom Told Me To...

...update the kids' Christmas list, so I have...

http://becausethatiswhatmylifeislikerightnow.blogspot.com/2008/11/on-request-ignore-this-please-wishlist.html

Church-Related Humor

Funny, and a little sad too...

Federal Budgets and Marriage Equality Laugh Break

Some fun things from http://sparksinthedark.blogspot.com/

This federal budget game is great.

And then there is this marriage equality idea, though I have to agree with the person who commented that this would not really work in the pacific northwest since "partner" is a very accepted term for marriages hetero and queer alike.

Homesick for the Holidays

First, some Home For the Holidays (one of my favorites to watch around Thanksgiving):

I'm really enjoying being in our new home for the holidays. I'm a little bummed the holiday season snuck up so fast because I keep thinking I need more time to savor it. But I look around my house, with my newly decorated Christmas tree, the menorah waiting in the window for the first night of Hanukkah, and the stack of pine branches with which I hope to do something creative (If I wanted to fix them into a garland to twirl around my porch banister, would I need to soak them to make them soft first? What's the procedure for such a project?), and I am totally in the spirit.

It is good to be home, here.

That said, there is a still, small piece of me which aches just a bit. Last year I think it was snowing by this time, which distracted me from missing the rain of winter that I have known so well for a number of years. I miss the rain without any anticipation of snow. There is not the lush green of winter, benefiting from the constant rain, that I came to love in the northwest. Instead I look outside and see barren trees that have lost their leaves and grass that is beginning to turn a bit brown. Here when it rains in the winter, it is an icy hint that it is the season of snow. A long wait from fall to winter seems dreadful. I had read a week before Thanksgiving that we'd have snow showers on Thanksgiving, but as the day approached it was clear that wasn't going to happen. I'll admit I was rather disappointed that it didn't. It made me miss the rain that can feed the earth until the earth is ripe and green all winter long. If it's not going to snow, I find myself impatient with the sleeping earth, the dead leaves, the cold, dry days.

I miss the evergreens too. I love the fall here, with all the colors. There is truly nothing in the world like it. It is magnificent! But I find myself mournful for tall, thick truly ever-green trees with moss covered trunks that make the green tree from bottom to top. My office back in the northwest had a window that faced the edge of a small forested area. I remember the deer and the quiet, still sound of a barely noticeable breeze and the water falling down upon the earth in beautiful drops. And most especially, I remember those giant trees that reminded me each day what a very small part I am of the greater whole. It was a brilliant illustration that life is continual and unstoppable, and in balance in ways not always so obvious.

We were gifted with a beautiful, handsome tree this year. It is huge! Just huge! Tall and plush, and I just love it. We couldn't afford the gas but drove a half hour to get it anyway because G's brother told us he was working all week, every evening at the tree lot in his town, and we wanted to surprise the kids by showing up to get our tree at the lot. We fit it in one evening at the end of my work day, and the kids were tired and very cranky during the long drive. I just kept telling them to hang in there because we were going to a "very special tree lot." When we arrived, G's brother was not at the lot and G called her brother who said he was not in fact working that evening, but didn't offer to take a five minute drive from his home to see us anyway. This was the third or fourth time we've gone to see this part of our family in recent months-- kids crying and even sobbing along the way-- to no avail. I knew in my heart that I couldn't do this to the kids again, and that we don't have the money or time to invest in this kind of fruitless effort in the future. I knew in my heart that this would be our last attempt. I was sad about this, but we made a merry adventure out of finding the perfect tree, and I took lots of photos. As the kind men working at the lot were netting our tree so it could fit on top of our car, I asked them what farm the trees came from. "Actually," one of the kind men told me, "We get these shipped in from Novia Scotia!" I asked him how long ago our tree must have been cut, and he guessed it had been a couple of weeks.

I miss cutting down my tree from the land belonging to a member of the congregation who used the opportunity to thin the trees out a bit for the health of the land. Here, one of our congregation members has a farm with evergreen trees, but I haven't been invited to cut one down and I don't know of any local Christmas tree farms. There just aren't that many evergreens out here. No wonder the trees at tree lots are coming in from Canada. Heck, in the northwest it was hard to find a tree lot. I am now realizing that may have been because so many folks have local sources. So now I have a beautiful tree that I love and that was such a sweet gift to have been given, but I feel badly because it has a big old carbon footprint, and I doubt it will last more than a couple of days after Christmas because it isn't fresh in the least. It was a bittersweet evening that made me long for the place I had called home for years.

I miss the smell of rain. I even miss mud! I miss the fruit. I miss blackberries growing everywhere, yes, even though they were out of control. I miss Thai food. Really good Thai food. Here if you order a Thai spring roll, you get a vegetarian egg roll. I miss fresh spring rolls and peanut dipping sauce. I miss Chinese food that isn't greasy and thick west coast style pizza. I miss restaurants that serve Tabbouleh that really tastes like Tabbouleh, and mmm...I miss Costas Greek food in Seattle. I miss getting vegetarian "sushi" at the grocery store just down the street from me, for a treat every once in a while when we were too poor to eat out but too tired to make dinner...made fresh every day!

I miss food co-ops that weren't just people getting together to order in bulk, but also a place to shop...even at seven o'clock in the evening when you run out of milk. I even miss shopping in tiny, local stores where I used to complain about selection. I miss it being easy to buy organic food. I miss the college in the woods and the progressive, earthy types, even some of the college students who used to drive me a little batty. I miss the kid from the college who lived in the treehouse above the bakery. I miss neighbors keeping chickens in their yards. I miss Seattle's bus system (and even after we left Seattle, I miss the reliable even if infrequent bus system of the city we moved to). Sometimes buses here just never show up.

I miss the culture of the people. I miss the natural acceptance, warmth, and empathy, that while imperfect, was a good start. I most especially miss the relaxed atmosphere and the collaborative attitudes. I miss the slow, thoughtful pace, and the rhythm of the year. I miss people saying hello to each other and being free with compliments. Heck, I miss the way people got up in each other's business if it meant they could help out.

I miss random things like the Discount School Supply store, and I miss places where we built memories over the years, like the restaurant we stopped at on the way home from the hospital when M was just a newborn or the place we'd always go to celebrate anniversaries.

I might even miss having a huge backyard that we could never maintain (oh, how I love not having a yard to maintain here, hooray!). There were five evergreen trees and a handful of other trees including some fruit-bearing trees. I miss long conversations I would have out there, sitting on the stones watching my dogs play together while I chatted with neighbors or on the phone. I miss my dog Bluey being alive. He was hit by a car here last Valentine's day after his leash somehow came unclipped from his harness and he took off running. I hate even going into that section of town now. I find myself holding my breath through the drive whenever we go out there.

And then there is family. I didn't have any family back in the pacific northwest, though G's brother and his family live there (and I miss them too). But being out here, so close to all of G's family, while a blessing, makes me miss mine. And that makes me miss my hometown too, and perhaps that region of the United States in general as well. I miss snow that would come down like crazy, build up nice and deep, but melt a few days later. I miss snowy days when it was still sunny out. I miss knowing good places to go hiking, and I am sad I haven't really taken my kids hiking yet. I miss camping. Oh, how I miss camping. Real camping too, not just car camping. I miss the way spring smelled out there. I miss the sandwich I had made to order at the Pickle Barrel and the "Big Spud" dish I used to order at Avo's. I miss miso soup, and I miss local coffee shops. I miss Mexican food that you can only get in New Mexico, and I'd even go for a number of treasures in Colorado. I just miss good Mexican food. I miss the dry brown earth, the bright colorful paints, and the adobe of New Mexico, and I miss the flowers and the bike trails in Colorado. I miss bike lanes. I miss the mountains. I miss the smell of dusty roads. I miss sledding without getting cut on ice, and the fluffy snow that makes that possible. I miss the organized, even if loosely, glbt community. I miss used book stores and art supply stores. I miss my parent's yard and their neighborhood. I miss knowing my way to almost everything. I miss downtowns where there really is a "there" there. I miss my mom's art and her artist friends. I miss long summer nights, with a late sunset and warm, dry air.

I know I can't live really close to my family, but sometimes it feels we are really far. I miss a lot of things on behalf of my children, who aren't having in their early childhood experiences like playing sports with "sporty grandpa" and doing art hour with "Leelou." Nor hiking with their aunts and uncles. Nor camping by a river with advice as to where we should go from experienced campers in the family or among friends. Somehow that just doesn't feel like a complete early childhood to me. It just doesn't feel right. Today on the phone M said to my mom that we made cookies for Christmas (meaning, for when we decorated our tree). My mom misheard and thought he said we were visiting for Christmas. I of course jumped in and cleared it up, but it was a reminder of how I wish we could visit just for a short while. Boohoo!

Of course I could make a long post about all the things I love here. I'd start with the ocean and swimming in the summer, and move on from there with gladness. So I am not really complaining. Just feeling a little bittersweet and nostalgic. I've experienced a lot of change in this last year. I guess it catches up with me in little waves every now and then.

Our New President Is Already Amazing on the Job!

So many interesting and great things happening on http://change.gov/. Check out the blog especially.